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The Dance

Maybe it was a threat to bring you here, possibly a gentle nudge from a close friend, or perhaps the cavity of conflict has grown so vast that my couch and little office is your last thread of hope.

Whatever path it took to come to couples counseling, I can’t commend you enough for taking the brave step to allow me into your most intimate relationship.

Your relationship as a couple.

I find great irony in the tradition of a first dance at a wedding ceremony. The steps so smooth and the love so fresh and new, but what is always present is the deep innocent looks in the eyes of two people in love.

Somewhere along the way, the dance changed.

And now you sit in front of me afraid to look at one another, with your backs turned and your eyes unable to meet, wondering ‘how did we get here!’ The dance, once so beautiful, now so tangled and torn. Asking for help is the best next right step.

Reaching out for help doesn’t have to be the end of the road. I am here to unravel the patterns of missteps that have snowballed into a broken or painful relationship. And from years of sitting across from couples like you, I know it is possible to find each other again.

So now what?

Once you are here and we begin to do the hard and beautiful work of couples counseling I find it important to instill three key reminders to all of my clients:

  1. Practice. The real work begins in between sessions. When couples practice the skills and techniques I ask them to implement, they find greater hope and relief from their struggles.
  2. Build. Just as muscles have memories, relationships have memories too. Patterns and habits (some helpful and some not helpful) have been built up over the years. I help you recognize, let go, and build new patterns in your relationship that results in a stronger team.
  3. Support. Many couples spend so much time entrenched in the anger and blame, they can’t see anything else and forget that a relationship is like being on a team. We work together, I as your coach, you as teammates to reframe the language you and your partner use to move forward in the direction you both can agree on.
  4. Recognition. This is hard work and can be challenging. Don’t get discouraged, instead feel proud that you are taking control and working together to make positive, lasting change.

I want to see you looking at each other again with those eyes of love and compassion for one another. And once you decide to make the choice together to come to counseling and make the changes I am asking of you, you will build your relationship muscles to help one another be the best together as a team.

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